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WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
| Victim Services Home |
"Domestic violence” or “family violence” means an act
by a member of a family or household against another member that is intended
to result
in physical harm, bodily injury, assault, sexual assault, or a threat that places
that member in fear of such harm. Family or household members must:
- be related by marriage – either traditional or common law (spouse);
- be former spouses;
- be related by blood (parents, children);
- be members of the same household (roommates);
- be former members of the same household;
be the biological parents of a child, whether or not they are married or never
lived together; or be the foster parents of a child.
The Truth About Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is an escalating pattern of abuse where one partner in an
intimate relationship controls the other through force, intimidation, or the
threat of violence. Abuse comes in many forms:
| Physical |
Kicking, punching, shoving, slapping, pushing, and any other acts which
hurt your body |
| Sexual |
Calling you vulgar names, criticizing your body parts or sensuality, forced
or pressured sexual acts, including rape |
| Emotional |
Assaults against your self-esteem |
| Verbal Name |
calling, threats, put-downs |
| Psychological |
Causing you to feel as if you are "going crazy" |
| Spiritual |
Attacking your spiritual or religious beliefs
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| Financial |
Controlling and manipulating you by threatening your economic status and
basic needs |
| Homophobic |
Threatening to "out" you to people who do not know your sexual
orientation |
| Immigration |
Using your immigration status and fear of deportation to control you |
| Destructive Acts |
Actual or threatened assault of your property or pets to scare you |
People stay with abusive partners for many different reasons. By understanding
these reasons, you can explore your options for living a violence-free life
and avoid feelings of guilt and isolation.
- You fear you will be beaten more severely. Your batterer has threatened
to find and kill or harm you, your children, and your family.
- You depend on the batterer for shelter, food, and other necessities.
- You have no one to talk to who understands and believes you.
- You believe your children need two parents, and you don't want to raise
them alone.
- You want to keep the family together and live up to your religious commitment
to remain with your partner.
- You fear that you won't be able to take care of yourself and your children
alone.
- You want to stand by your partner and be loyal to the relationship.
- Your partner has threatened to commit suicide if you leave.
- You believe that things will get better.
- You believe that no one else will love you.
- You fear your family and friends will be ashamed of you.
- You feel ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated and don't want anyone to know
what is happening.
- You think others will believe that you are "low class" or stupid
for staying as long as you already have.
- You believe that you need to be in a relationship to feel like a complete
person.
- You fear that you will be deported or that your children will be taken out
of the country.
- If you are in a same sex relationship, you fear that you will be "outed"
or that no one will believe you.
- Your job is to make the relationship work, and if it does not work, you
are to blame.
- If you stay, you can "save" the batterer and help him or her get
better.
It is a myth that people don't leave violent relationships. Many leave an average
of five to seven times before they are able to leave permanently. You are in
greater danger from your partner's abuse when you leave. Only you can decide
what is best for you and your children. Whether you decide to remain with your
abusive partner or leave, it is important for you to plan for your safety.
- A woman is beaten every nine seconds in the United States. Domestic violence
is the most under-reported crime in the country, with the actual incidence
10 times higher than is reported.
- Eighty percent of children who live in homes where domestic violence occurs
witness the abuse.
- Lesbian and gay domestic violence occurs in approximately one-third of these
relationships, about as often as in heterosexual relationships.
- On average, four women are murdered every day by their male partner in the
U.S.
- Women in the U.S. are in nine times more danger in their own homes than
they are in the street.
- According to the U.S. Department of Justice, 95 percent of reported spousal
assaults are committed by men against women. Assaults committed by women against
men occur in approximately 5 to 10 percent of domestic violence matters.
- About 17 percent of women report experiencing physical or sexual violence
during pregnancy.
- Battering prior to pregnancy is the primary predictor that battering will
occur during pregnancy.
Domestic violence is one of the nation's best-kept secrets. Myths and misunderstandings
abound. Knowing the facts is an important step toward breaking the cycle of
violence.
| Fact: |
Almost four million women are beaten in their homes every
year by their male partners. Although the first violent incident may not
be severe, once
battering begins, it tends to increase in severity and frequency, sometimes
leading to permanent injury or death. What may begin as an occasional
slap
or shove will turn into a push down the stairs, a punch in the face, or
a kick in the stomach. |
| Fact: |
Battering is not about anger or losing control; it is an intentional choice
focused on maintaining power and control in the relationship. Batterers
manage not to beat their bosses or terrorize their friends when they are
angry. |
| Fact: |
The batterer is responsible for the violence – not the victim.
People are beaten for breaking an egg yolk while fixing breakfast, for
wearing
their hair a certain way, for dressing too nicely or not nicely enough,
for cooking the wrong meal, or any other number of excuses. These incidents
do not warrant or provoke violence. Even when you disagree, you do not
deserve
to be beaten. People who are battered do not want to be beaten. |
(Source: Domestic Violence Information and Referral Handbook*)
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